All right, I'm both excited and scared out of my mind...

I swear to Bob, I'm going to drive myself nuts.

I've been making myself crazy... I went back through my journal of when I was first pregnant with Emma Grace, and I swear every symptom on the planet is there... I'm tired, I'm moody, I'm getting acne on my chin, I'm burping like a frat boy, mild nausea, the dip on day 5, my ability to focus is shot, it's felt like someone's periodically poked me in the appendix for the last few days (my uterus hangs out backwards and to the right, according to HSG), and I think my breasts are starting to get somewhat tender.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/29314b

Of course, I could be imagining all of this. It could just be wishful thinking. I've been getting some of the issues since day 3.

On the other hand, I'm scared witless that it's true, because it might mean yet more problems. I'm scared that we're just going to continue having issues. I'm scared that I will keep losing them.

I know I need to not get stressed. But that doesn't mean I won't.

I'm on day 8 now.

For the last two days, I've been peeing on OPK's. I'm getting a faint line on the OPK, but I know it doesn't mean much unless the OPK line is darker than the control line, but since I wasn't getting any lines on the OPKs on CD8, but I am now on DPO8, I have some hope.

I keep poking at my boobs.

I'm feeling more positive about this than I have in months. But I'm just so scared something's going to go wrong again.

Geez, what I wouldn't give to have that innocent feeling like I had when I was first pregnant again. What I wouldn't give to go back to not being afraid, not being nervous, and not knowing what it feels like to lose a child.

Please, if this one is real, let it be for keeps.