Someone just doesn't want to give me a break, I swear.

So the last week has just not been a great one.

Thanksgiving was spent with the in-laws. We didn't leave until late to get there, and then I had the excuse of making a bunch of stuff for the Dickens Tea, so I didn't have to actually talk to the MIL much. Don't get me wrong, but right now I just don't want to deal with her. While she didn't actually say anything about kids or bring anything up regarding kids, i'm just too used to having to deflect her on the grandkids issue that it's a strain to be around her right now. A part of my brain just expects her to bring up something, so I'm having to put my guard up just to be around her.

Thursday I also found out that Pete Brown, one of the morris guys who I have been close to, was in the hospital with liver and kidney issues.

Saturday my dad called me. And I finally told him about losing the baby. I wish I could have talked to him more, but I still don't want mom to know. While you never know what her actual reaction would be, after her prior reactions to fairly emotional issues in my life, I'm really not keen on what I'm anticipating the reaction would be. Every time I've had a big issue in my life, my mother has either had no reaction at all, and acted like nothing is wrong, or I've actually gotten reactions like "you have no reason to cry". She wants nothing to hurt her, so she doesn't let anyone in, and has been known to lash out at people if they possibly strike an emotional chord. While she might actually surprise me, I really am not in a position to be able to handle it if she acts as expected. I'm glad I got a chance to talk to my father, but I still need to be able to talk to someone about all of this.

Monday I went to see my doctor. Turns out she'd once had a miscarriage as well. She wrote me a note for a week off and tried to get me in to see the psyche at her offce, but the doctor wasn't available that day. They got me an appointment for the 15th, but that's a bit far out. I've called every day this week and found out the hard way that she's only in the office twice a week.

Thing is, on top of it all, Pete Brown passed away this morning. He wasn't eligible for a liver and kidney transplant, and his family had to go through the tough decision to pull the plug yesterday. Pete was one of my favorite guys on the morris team, and a friend.

This is three losses in the same month: the baby, my favorite college prof, and now Pete.

I have to go back to work on Monday, and I don't know that I'll have the focus to do so. I know the hormones are still a great deal to do with it, but three times in one month is just not helping things.

I just wish that whatever powers that be are out there, they'd just stop hitting me one after the other. They say things come in sets of three, hopefully they won't continue.

I need to go do something. I haven't had the brain to do squat all week. You'd think with having a week off I might get something done, but I've spent most of the week in bed trying to sleep things off.

Kass sent me the victorian patterns yesterday. i'm thinking it's time to go do something. I need to have something good in here.

Joe, thank you. You've not only been putting up with me being upset for a month now, but you're actually reading when I need a shoulder to cry on before I actually say anything. If nothing else good has happened recently, that has. Love you, sweetie. thank you.